‘We would never have met!’ Bianca Dye on ghosting, a seven-minute voice message and the reality of dating in her 50s
The world can be split between people who agree or disagree with having pineapple on a pizza, taking a screaming child into a fancy restaurant or shagging on the first date. (Don’t ask for my opinion on any of those as you will judge me.)
But the latest debate dividing people: Is it OK or not OK to leave a voice message instead of calling or writing a text?
Now you can ask my opinion on this, and I say voice messaging is here to stay. Let me give you a real-life example of how sending a VM changed everything for me in the world of dating (as if it’s not difficult enough already being on the dating apps when you’re 50).
Granted, I probably shouldn’t be dating at the moment. My headspace jumps from “I’m so excited to share my life with someone special,” to “I’m a perimenopausal, moody, bloated hot mess right now and I should be focusing on getting my next radio/TV gig and not what I’m gonna wear on a date, and is that a hole in my Spanx and, oh God, will we even get that far?”
So when it came to actually going on a recent date, I panicked. I pulled the pin.
I felt like such a failure. It was a very personal situation for me and not one I wanted to convey in a phone conversation with someone I barely knew. But I also wanted to be truly honest with this guy, and tell him it really wasn’t him – it was me.
I knew it was a risk. I knew I was going to have to be brave, so I took a chance and left a seven-minute voice message. Yes: seven minutes.
But stay with me, disgusted disbelievers! It was a heartfelt and honest audio note about what I’m going through.
I pressed “send”, took a big breath and assumed I would never hear from him again. The next morning: *ping*. (Cue the dopamine rush.)
Not only did he listen to it, he sent me a VM back! He said he’d never used voice messages before but he would now.
He also said that hearing how genuine I was and how vulnerable I sounded, he felt immediate compassion for me and wanted to get to know me better.
Wow. I would never have had the nerve to say any of that in a phone call. But there is something about being able to talk with an uninterrupted train of thought that brought out a version of me that was brave enough to share.
If I hadn’t taken a chance on the voice message, we would never have met. (Update: alas, I’m still single.)
I have girlfriends who are busy mums who say they don’t have time to have long phone conversations and that a quick voice message life update is the best way to stay in touch – especially with interstate mates – as you still feel as though you’ve “connected” but without the stress of constantly trying to line up a time for a call that never usually eventuates.
One of my friends said to me, “I love voice messages unless I’m out and I can’t play them, so then I’m stuck not knowing what people sent until I get home.”
I will admit that if you don’t have your AirPods with you and you’re in Woolies, it’s sometimes a bit hard to listen to a voice message.
And I do have a few friends who say they can’t listen to mine while they’re driving with kids in the car because I swear too much. Soz. My bad.
I know they’re not for everybody, but every time I manage to convert someone to using voice messages, I get that warm, fuzzy feeling that somehow I’m helping people communicate on a deeper level. Hey, it worked for me!
SOURCE: NEWS.COM
